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Rank Definitions For
FireFighter's

Chief
Leaps short buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful
than a ladder truck. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on
water. Gives Policy to GOD.
Assistant
Chief
Leaps short buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful
than a pumper. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on
water if sea is calm. Talks with GOD.
Deputy Chief
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a pumper. Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools. Talks with GOD if special
request is approved.
Engineer
Barely clears Quonset hut. Loses tug-of-war with pumpers.
Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally
addressed by GOD.
Captain
Makes high marks on buildings when trying to leap them. Is
run over by a pumper. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting
self-injury. Dog paddles in swimming pools. Talks with animals.
Lieutenant
Runs into buildings when trying to leap them. Recognizes
pumpers two out of three times. Is not allowed to use guns. Can
stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket. Talks
to walls.
Sergeant
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings. Points
and says, "Look at the pretty fire engine." Wets himself with a water
pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to himself.
FireFighter
Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks fire engines
and equipment out of the way. Catches speeding bullets in his teeth
and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. He is
GOD.
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