Rules of EMS
With apologies to anyone who doesn't understand our profession sometimes has a dark
or macabre sense of humour
1 - 50
1. Skin signs tell all.
2. Sick people don't bitch.
3. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.
4. About %70 of the battery patients more than likely deserved it.
5. The more equipment you see on an EMT's belt, the newer they are.
6. There is no rule 6.
7. When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
8. All bleeding stops....eventually.
9. All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.
10. If the child is quiet, be scared.
11. EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror.
12. Always follow the rules but be wise enough to leave them sometimes.
13. If the pt. vomits, try to hold the head to the side of the rig with the least difficult to clean equipment.
14. If someone dies by chem. hazards, electrical shocks or other on-scene dangers it should be the patient, not you. (Also known as rule 1313)
15. Any EMT, FF, LEO and/or scene chief who is more drunk than the patient is the
real problem.16. There will be problems.
17. The severity of the injury(s) is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.
18. Hand grenades and turret-mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens.
19. Make sure the rookie EMT knows that a med-patch is a radio term, and not a medicated bandage.
20. "Paramedics save lives; EMT's save Paramedics." (To quote a T-shirt or bumper sticker)
21. If the patient looks sick, than the patient is sick.
22. If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then the patient is not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says.
23. It is that bad.
24. Full spinal precautions were custom made for obnoxious drunks. So were OPAs.
25. If you absolutely must vomit, than it is probably best to turn your head away from the patient.
26. It is generally bad to use the words "holy shit" on scene, in reference to the patient's condition.
27. Patients that crash in separate vehicles should be transported in separate vehicles.
28. Just because someone's fully immobilized doesn't mean they can't be violent.
29. If I'm up, EVERYONE is up!
30. Better them (another unit) then me.
31. I saved the patient...from the fire department.
32. When responding to a call always remember that the lowest bidder built your ambulance
33. Never get into the front of the ambulance with someone that is braver than you are
34. When in doubt use industrial strength therapy
35. If its stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid
36. Algorithms never survive the first thirty seconds of patient contact
37. Always honor a threat
38. Always know when to get out of dodge
39. Always know HOW to get out of dodge
40. The important things are always simple
41. The simple things are always hard
42. If the pt is going to vomit (especially projectile) be sure to aim towards any bystanders that would NOT clear the scene. (This also works for officers.)
43. Sometimes it's easier to beg forgiveness than get permission.
44. You can't please any of the people any of the time.
45. Don't go INTO Dodge without the Marshall.
46. They said, " Smile, things could be worse." So we smiled and sure enough, things got worse!!!
47. Always answer a newbie's questions. (You once asked them, too.)
49. EMT's are taught - "the man with the gun, is the man in charge" (i.e.: the police) WRONG !!!!! Real life (when the fire dept. is on scene) "The man with the NOZZLE (charged hose line) is the man in charge!" Trust me, it's true. I've been there. That charged hose will send you farther down the block & hurt more before the cop begins to think about shooting you.
50. The number of drugs a patient has on board is directly proportional to the number of knuckles tattooed.